Diagnosis, Please

There are those who would argue it is an understatement to say that I am an emotionally reserved guy. And there would be others who would say, "He has emotions?!?" In truth, yes, I seldom show much in the way of emotional range beyond annoyed, really annoyed, and (occasionally) mild indifference. Why is this? Who's to say? Perhaps it comes from a childhood devoid of hugs, maybe it's simply the result of a cynical mind probing the harsh realities of this thing we call life.

Or I'm a jerk. I guess we'll never know.

Anyway... Something is happening. Something so weird and foreign to me that I'm not even sure how to describe it. I seem to be developing some sort of "condition", I think. I have no idea what kind of condition, only that it comes with a very disturbing symptom. Get a load of this...

I came across a YouTube video today of a little girl playing the Star Wars theme music (rather brilliantly, I might add) on her synthesizer. I thought it was pretty cool, shared it on Google+, and then showed it to my daughter when I got home from work. After only a few bars, as I was trying to point out how technically challenging the piece was to a teenager who probably has no capacity for understanding this, I felt my vision begin to swim. I blinked a few times, then continued my pointless commentary, only to find that my voice was cracking. For a second, I couldn't figure out what was happening, but it quickly dawned on me that, Holy Crap, I might be starting to cry!

Seriously, Star Wars has a special place in that organ of mine that moves blood around my body, but come on! It's music, for crying out loud (pun not intended)...

Needless to say, I made an excuse about the video being to long to watch right now, hit the power switch on my phone, and hurriedly found something else to do in another part of the house. Close call!

Later, as I was watching TV with Lisa, I received a notification on my phone about something shared with me on Google+ about Parks Canada making their Park Passes free in 2017 in honor of the 150th anniversary of the National Parks system. Definitely not emotionally-charged material, as I'm sure we can all agree. Or so you'd think.

As I was trying to tell Lisa about it, since we love going to Banff as often as possible but don't really look forward to the $20 fee that only seems to be enforced on the honor system, I felt the tremble creeping back into my throat and the heat rising in my ocular cavities. Again! It was going to happen again, dammit! Only a quickly-feigned coughing attack (convenient in light of my recent chest cold) saved me from having to explain how I can be stone-hearted and immovable during a fight that renders my girlfriend to a sopping mass of sniffles and tears but get all blubbery myself when I find out how great this country we live in is. Just because we have many amazing things to be proud of as a nation, not the least of which is our generosity toward our fellow man...

Uh oh... I think... I think it might be happening again...

Am I dying?

So. Damn. Frustrating.

One thing. I only had one thing to do, and I couldn't. A simple blog post, that's all. A couple paragraphs, a few sentences... anything. Just to live up to the "write every day" promise I made to myself, only to see it blown on Day 2.

I woke up with a cold. And not just any old cold, folks... One of those deep-down-in-your-chest kinda colds that makes it feel like your lungs are filled with rancid honey, gurgling with every breath and rattling wetly with every cough. And cough I did. Lots. Before long, I could have sworn I had taken a sledgehammer to the chest but blacked out the event.

And let's not forget the aches (as if I could). Persistent and relentless, forcing me to constantly roll over to a more comfortable position, a position that I would never be allowed to find. The mattress was at once a back-bending valley and a mountainous range of sharpened peaks. No amount of squirming or contorting could make my body conform to its demonic landscape. My pillow was but a cinder block, whose sole-purpose was to slowly merge with my head, grinding through my skull and, finally, squeezing my brain into a white-hot diamond of pain.

And so, this was the way I spent my day, whether it be in the bed, on the couch, or pacing the floor... A constant struggle to simply endure and, hopefully, come out on the other side.

At one point, I pulled out the big guns and went with my tried and true method for beating a cold... a swelteringly hot bath. So hot that I had to raise the temperature while I was in the water, or I'd never be able bear it. With a Stephen King novel in hand and sweat pouring from my face, I let the heat do it's magic. Like the Gunslinger obliterating the town of Tull, I pictured the heat killing every last virus cowering deep inside my aching muscles.

It was then the words started to form in my head. A brilliant, witty, insightful collection of thoughts that I would craft into a magnificent blog post. Inspiration seemed to be practically flowing through every fibre of my being and my brain was afire with creativity. One more chapter of the book, two more long pulls on the bottle of Gatorade, and I was ready to leave the heat behind and commence putting brilliance to paper, as it were.

The hard reality is that these incredible snippets of prose were nothing more than fever-dream, carried swirling down the drain with the now-salty bathwater, leaving me emptied of both inspiration and the will to stay awake. And leaving you, dear reader, with this post; a day late and brilliance-free.

New Year, New(ish) Blog

It's time. Time to knock the dust off this old blog and get back into writing. This particular corner of the Internet has been a ghost town for so long now... too long, really.

The last few years have been dominated by short "thought bursts" on various social media platforms, and I just haven't been able to bring myself to string together more than a couple of sentences at a time. Granted, it's fun to let all the trivial drivel just spill out of my brain as it will, but I'm beginning to miss the satisfaction of a well-crafted (insofar as I am able) post.

So, here we are. The calendar has turned, the turmoil of the holidays is over, and I have no excuse to avoid writing. Not that I'm one for resolutions, but I'm seriously going to try to write every day.

Yeah. Every. Day.

Will every post be a gem? If course not. Will I miss a day here and there? Most likely. But I'm determined to try.

The flip-side to all this is you. In the past, this blog has been used for rants, satire, photography, and a showcase for my boring childhood stories. I'm quite sure those will all still play a part, but a little input from you guys will go a long way toward making this blog something you actually want to read.

And let me know what works or doesn't work with the layout of the blog, too (font, colors, background... you get the idea). It's a work in progress and I'm open to suggestions, so let 'em fly.

Happy New Year, everyone!