Not Unlike Joey and Chandler



I have to say, there's nothing in this world quite so cool as good friends. And I'm not talking about the guys at work that you chum around with at the water-cooler (to preserve a time-honored stereo-type)... Nor am I talking about the half-dozen or so people on your MSN contact list that float between "online", "idle", and "away" day in and day out, occasionally saying "hi" or sending you a pointless chain letter... No, I'm talking about those rare individuals that seem to have always "been there". You know, the ones who have seen you at your best and at your worst (sometimes judging, sometimes not) but on whom you can always count.



Now, I don't consider myself to be an overly emotional or sentimental type of guy. Not that there's anything wrong with those traits, it's just not how I was raised. Still, I was recently reminded how much I value my friends, even if I don't often say so.



I was out for coffee the other night with my girlfriend of 7 months and what I consider to be my two best friends. I've known one of the guys for over 15 years, and the other for about 13. As you can imagine, over the course of those years, we've grown to know each other pretty well... To the point where we know how to get a rise out of each other, how far to push a particular line of teasing, and which mine-fields to avoid altogether in a conversation. My girlfriend and I, on the other hand, are still in the process of getting to know each other, really. Yeah, we covered the basics a long time ago, but there's still the odd thing here and there that we learn from time to time. So, it was quite an interesting dynamic as the four of us sat around the table at Perkin's, slugging back pot after pot of the ol' Joe.



I don't know how we did it, but we managed to discuss just about everything from shoe types to corporal punishment... Could have been the 5 hours that we sat there, or the countless cups of Black Gold involved (relax, George W., I'm talking about coffee, so BACK OFF MAN!)... I don't know. But it was a great time. It felt good to just sit around with people and babble about anything, everything, and nothing all at once. No pressure to impress, no need to embelish the story so I end up being the guy in blue tights and a red cape (private fantasy, sorry...), and no need to wonder if buddy to my left is as full of crap as he sounds. Nah... Just good old fashioned shootin' the... er... breeze.



Of course, we're older than we used to be... When we discuss favorite movies, Breast Content doesn't always ensure an Academy Award Nomination like it used to. Bitching about power-hungry pencil-necked Math teachers has evolved into bitching about power-hungry, pencil-necked Supervisors. And, of course, talking about the girls we'd like to date has turned to talking about the girls we wish we'd never met. Yeah, life has a way of changing you, that's for sure... That's why it's so cool to discover every once in a while that the people who started this journey with you are still there and they still understand you.



So, anyway... There we were, just kickin' back and chatting about something or other, and then it happens... Out of the blue, my girlfriend asks my buddy of 15 years if he thinks I'm a control freak. Have you ever felt time grind to a halt before? Your skin goes cold... You can hear the deep "swish" of blood in your ears with each agonizingly slow heartbeat... And you can literally feel all eyes boring into your skull. Silence. And then, ladies and gentlemen, I knew I was at a crossroads, only I wasn't the one at the wheel. My very fate lay in the hands of a friend caught off-guard. You see, I am something of a control freak. I know it... He knows it... And my girlfriend was mere seconds away from knowing it. Not that I'm that bad, really... Just a little insistent at times, a little over-bearing, opinionated, stubborn... What was I saying? Oh yeah! But pretty much a nice guy when it comes down to it. But women have this amazing talent for taking your worst trait and making it your only trait. So, before my buddy even started to speak the words that could seal my doom, my brain was already racing at break-neck speed to formulate the Mother of all rebuttals...



But the axe never fell. I'm not sure if I'll ever understand it, but my friend, my buddy, my pal found a way to admit my flaw and make it sound like a good thing. I was stunned! Sure, I've been able to justify myself to, well, myself, before, but this guy goes and makes it sound like a trait to be admired! And to top it all off, my other friend jumps in and starts elaborating on it! It truly was a thing of beauty... And so, as the tension vanished from the room, I knew everything was going to be okay. My girlfriend's fears were put nicely to rest, and I knew once again why I call these guys my "best friends".



So, here's to good friends... May we never forget them and always appreciate them. Now, get off your damn computer and go call one!

"Would You Like Fries With That?"



It's getting to the point where I'm not so sure that the Drive Thru is a convenience anymore. Yes, I can stay in the car instead of fighting for a parking stall... Granted, I can listen to the latest Linkin Park track while I wait instead of some Muzak version of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"... (Which, by the way, can be most depressing... Nothing worse than hearing the "hits" of your "youth" in an elevator...) And, most importantly, I can sit on my butt while someone else does all the leg work. Great! So, what could possibly be wrong with this scenario? How about the minor detail of placing my order?



For years comedians have been making jokes about the Drive Thru speaker. And, for a couple of those years, the jokes were even somewhat amusing. Amusing, that is, until the reality of the situation sank in. Yeah, those damn speakers are pathetic! I mean, come on... You can't tell me that, in this day and age of wireless technology, hands-free cellphones, VOX, and a myriad of other technologies that I probably haven't heard of, I must be forced to communicate on a level barely above that of the first, "Watson, come in here" from Alexander Graham Bell. Watson, at least, didn't have to lean half-way out a car window and yell, "What?!?"



Alright, I'll admit that I'm exaggerating just a little bit... Chalk it up to dramatic flair, or maybe I just want to sound cool... It's your call. Anyway, sure, the speakers have gotten better in the last few years, but it has only served to reveal a new problem... the Drive Thru staff. Just as we get to the point where we can finally hear what the person in the little booth is saying (and vice versa, presumably), we suddenly have an influx of fast-food employees who cannot seem to communicate in English.



I have to make a side-note here... I am in no way prejudiced. I fully agree that people all over the world have the right to speak their native tongue, to pray to their god or gods of choice, and wear traditional or ceremonial garb along with their occupational uniform. More importantly, I believe in everyone's right to pursue a better life for themselves and their families. I take great pride that so many have chosen Canada as their place to do this. That having been said, back to it...



Recently, the City Council here in Calgary met and decided that taxi-cab drivers not knowing enough English was causing a problem. So, they decided to make a daring move and raise the bar a bit. Within the next few years, cabbies will be required to master the English language at a Grade 5 level. I know, it doesn't exactly inspire confidence when compared with your average Grade 5'er... Regardless, my point is this: They recognized the importance of communication in the Service Industry (now I know why these guys get to run the city!). Well, if you ask me, I think the same holds true (if not truer) for the Drive Thru window. Yeah, lots of people take cabs, but let's face it, this world practically runs on fast food!



Don't get me wrong... I believe firmly in Equal Opportunity Employment. Go ahead, give the new Canadian a job at the local burger joint... She's got as much right to work as the next person. But let's use a little common sense when figuring out what her position should be. While her English may be strong enough to fill out the application and pass the interview, can she perform the same from behind a microphone? Rob her and her listener of the ability to read facial expressions, body language, and perhaps even lips (to a degree) and can she still cut it? Or is she going to latch on to the few key phrases she recognizes and completely screw up the order? (If you don't know what I'm talking about, try ordering a burger with no pickles, no onions, and extra cheese... ) If not, let her work the inside counter where these tools are available to her. Put someone in the booth that can grasp the language enough to communicate without the eye-to-eye.



But you know what? Even after all is said and done, I know I'll probably keep driving up to that little box, shouting out my order 3 times, and bitch all the way home because I got a damn veggie burger... 'Cuz it's easier, right?



Well, that's it for me today... Please drive around to the second window...

"Everything that has a beginning, also has an end."



So, I paid the $21.00 matinee price for me and my ever-so-cool girlfriend to see The Matrix Revolutions this weekend. I had steadfastly avoided all conversations with friends who had seen it already (no repeat of the mistake made with The Sixth Sense...) and ignored all the bad reviews vying for my attention. I made sure NOT to buy the extra large Coke that would otherwise have me squirming in my seat an hour into the show, and settled in to see (after 20 agonizing minutes of commercials and previews, of course) if any of the speculations I had following Reloaded would pan out.



Well, despite the fact that the special effects had me so mesmerized that I (literally) choked on my own drool (which, for the record, isn't the coolest thing to do in the presence of one's girlfriend), I have to say that I left the theatre feeling like I should have seen more. In fact, not a single one of my theories was realized, leaving me wonder if, somehow, I had been imbued with a greater creative talent than the great Wachowski Brothers themselves. Instead, it seemed as if Neo simply summed the entire trilogy up with a flurry of fists and a few softly-spoken platitudes, wrapped it in a pretty bow, and handed it to the audience. Roll credits.



All in all, definitely NOT what I was expecting. Although, the Wachowskis said no one would predict the ending and, in that at least, they were right.



So, here's my completely unsolicited recommendation to the rest of the populous who hasn't witnessed this "end"... If you're a fan of the Matrix at all, you must see Revolutions... which goes without saying (but I apparently couldn't resist saying it anyway). However, you might wish catch the matinee or cheap Tuesday, forego the $35 in greasy popcorn and watered down fountain pop, and grab a nice meal somewhere after the show. Trust me, you WILL be left hungry.

"Caffeine is the sunrise in your bloodstream"



A quote I dreamed up in, what I thought of at the time as, a moment of insight. Well, if this is true, then the sun has risen... And now begins the nervous twitching in the back of my brain, the frantic scramble for entertainment, or education, or inspiration, or... No, all of the above. Is there anything new in the world to grab my attention? Anything that I can wrap my mind around for 15 minutes and feel fulfilled?



Ah! A blog! Perhaps a connection to the "outside world" that is, at once, both tenous and without commitment will fill the bill. Perhaps spewing forth empty rhetoric to an uncaring audience will give me some twisted sense of accomplishment, at least for today. And then again, perhaps not. But it's worth a try, isn't it?



Okay, so my attempt to sound eloquent and educated was facinating for all of 5 minutes... Now what do I write about? To be honest, I haven't the faintest clue. However, I do know that I'm down to the last swallow of coffee in my mug... I also know that it will be a disgustingly cold swallow... And I know that I will take it anyway... Perhaps a fresh mug and the subsequent caffeine rush will bring inspiration. Stay tuned!