Photo of the Week: Big Alberta Sky

A glimpse of simpler times in our prairie past.
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The Teflon Birthday Boy

Okay, so most of you have already figured out that last Saturday was my birthday. For you astrological types, that means I'm an Aries. Not the 80's Dodge that almost single-handedly revitalized the popularity of public transit... No, I'm talking about the Ram. Not the latest line of Dodge 18-wheeler-wannabe pickups that urban cowboys drive so they can pretend to live the glamorous life of a trucker... No, I'm talking about the Zodiac. Not the yellow, inflatable, Green Peace-carrying, outboard Master of the Open Seas...

I can do this all day, you know...

Anyway, thanks to the likes of Chana and Wudrich, I didn't really have a prayer of avoiding the realities of another year going by, so I guess I'll just have to come to grips with the fact that I'm 35 and must now officially use the term "mid-30's" without the comforting prefix "almost".

Damn.

What I was able to avoid, however, was the dreaded Birthday Prank.

Those of you who know me will be able to confirm that I have something of a mischievous streak, especially when it come to other people's birthdays. In the last year, I have had a major hand in the planning and/or execution of the following:

1. Completely filling our boss's office with empty boxes and hiding a laptop in his ceiling that played Calgary Flames Fan music on an endless loop (he's a Toronto Maple Leafs fan).


2. Stealing, bubble-wrapping, and shrink-wrapping a co-worker's brand new SUV.


3. Shrink-wrapping our Shipper to a chair at the end of the day and leaving him to free himself with his ball-point pen, MacGyver-style.

Needless to say, I've sort of "had it coming" for quite some time now... Which is why I was on High Alert the last day of work before my birthday! Still, the day came and went without incident. Did they forget? Were they afraid of my potential wrath? Doesn't anybody love me? Who cares! I didn't get pranked!

Booyah!

I actually found out later than Chana had been calling around, weeks before my birthday, to plan the ultimate "Gotcha!" against poor little old, defenseless me. Oddly enough, two different male acquaintances of mine, who don't even know each other, put forth the opinion that the best way to "get me" was with a male stripper. Now, while I have no urge to watch some guy dance for me, wearing nothing but a banana-hammock, wouldn't he also be grinding away in front of my pranksters? Wouldn't they, too, have to see the naked man-flesh gyrating its way around the room?

Either these two didn't think the plan through very far, or there are some disturbing desires buried deep in their psyches that I'm not going to touch with a ten-foot pole... no matter what sex of stripper happens to be dancing around it!

In the end, all plans were called off because Management has decided we need to tone down the pranks. It seems that somebody has gone over-the-top with the joking one too many times. How ironic that the new "rules" should come into effect just in time to save that jokers butt!

I Feel Like I've Been in One...

I can't remember the last time a movie has left me as emotionally drained as I feel right now.

I missed all the hype the first time around, and I was one of the few people on the planet who first heard about the movie when it won the Oscar for Best Picture. But today, I sat down alone, first thing in the morning, and watched "Crash".

That was 2 hours ago, but I feel like I've run a marathon.

Living in Canada, I guess, has sheltered me from a lot of the racial discrimination and unfounded hatred people experience elsewhere as an everyday occurrence. Or, maybe the fact the I'm Caucasian, living in a predominantly Caucasian society has blinded me to harsh realities of the world. Whatever the cause, and no matter how much I thought I "knew" about racial tension from TV and other media, I wasn't prepared for "Crash".

All those people, so tangled up together in a web of hate, distrust, suspicion, and stereotypes, yet never touching, never understanding, never seeing each other for what we all are... People. Just people.

I'm glad that the movie wasn't preachy... I'm glad that it showed the situations, emotions, and inner turmoil of each character as they came face-to-face with the realities of who they are... I'm glad that it let me experience the pain, the struggle, and the eventual enlightenment, without spoon-feeding me moral platitudes like some ABC After School Special. For a change, Hollywood did it right.

If you've seen "Crash", you'll understand why I, with a 6-year old daughter of my own, was brought to tears late in the movie by the scene with the Hispanic father and daughter... If you haven't, and especially if you are a parent, make sure you've got a box of tissue handy.

You've been warned.

Those Wacky German Scientists...

I needed a good laugh this morning... And now that I've had it, I thought I'd share it with you good folks and see if it doesn't just brighten your day up a little bit too.

This one's a few years old now, but it never fails to pick me up. If you're a fan of Clerks, you'll recognize Randal and Dante right away. If you've never seen Clerks, this will either make you glad you missed it, or make you run right out to rent it.

Without further ado, I give you, "The Flying Car"...

Will Someone Just Take My Money, Please?

It happened again last night. I was at Wal-Mart, picking up a few groceries before the start of the week, and I used a couple of $50 bills.

"CSM to Till 14, please... CSM to Till 14."

As usual, the girl working the checkout didn't have the authority to accept my $50 bills. As usual, I had to wait until a different girl, in a different colored smock, came over to Till 14 to examine the bills. As usual, she simply held them up to the light, rubbed them a couple of times, and handed them back to the first girl with a solemn nod. As usual, my bills passed the intense scrutiny of the Wal-Mart CSM.

It could have been worse, I guess... I could have had the misfortune to get a far-sighted CSM incapable of seeing whatever they see when they hold the bills up to the light. Or, worse... She could have pointed to a little sign that says something to the effect of, "Due to counterfeit problems, we no longer accept $50 or $100 bills."

Believe me, I've seen that sign way too many times in recent years!

It's true that, with the increasing quality, availability, and affordability of laser reproduction, counterfeit bills have become a bigger threat than ever before. In response, the Bank of Canada has gone to great lengths to minimize this threat through the use of multiple security features on our money. In addition to the distinctive colors of ours bills, they've also added things like watermarks, holograms, micro-printing, and fluorescence, just to name a few. Of course, not all of the features became available, or were put into effect, at the same time. So, the bills have been redesigned a couple of times. In my lifetime alone, I have seen three different styles of bills (all still in circulation), and the replacement of the $1 and $2 bills by coins.

I'm not even going to get started on the fact that we have no less than 43 different quarters in circulation!

Although these steps have been made primarily to introduce more secure, more difficult to reproduce, paper currency, it has actually created a bit of a Counterfeit Catch-22. You see, with so many different versions of the same denomination bills floating around out there, and the fact the we've become so used to our bills changing so often, you could practically print just about anything with the Queen's face or Sir John A. MacDonald on it and pass it off as the new $7 bill. It's ridiculous!

Here's what I'd like to see:

1. The Bank of Canada picking a style and sticking with it until it becomes the only one left.


2. Wal-Mart employees who are trusted enough to handle a float in their till being trusted enough to hold the $50's up to the light and rub them.


3. Legislation that forces retailers to accept all Canadian currency, despite their fears of counterfeit. If they can't be bothered to learn the security features, they deserve to lose the $50.


4. A commemorative coin (preferably the dollar... the quarter has had the spotlight long enough) with a coffee cup on one side and my face on the other. Now that's what I'd call a Loonie!

Sunday Spotlight: Paper Sack Lifetime

Every once in a while, I come across a blog that, right from the first two sentences, has me laughing. Let's face it, there's a lot more comedy out there on the web than we give credit for... There are some truly incredibly funny people sharing their thoughts with a faceless audience when they could easily have their own sitcom or HBO special. And is there anything more refreshing after surfing through blog after blog of the same re-hashed news than a good laugh?

I think not.

Well, about a year ago, I found myself reading Paper Sack Lifetime by Mr. Kyle. I don't remember how I got there... Maybe it was a link from another good blog, or a random thing from BlogExplosion... What I do know is that it only took me a couple minutes of reading before I added the page to my Favorites.

There was nothing visually flashy about the site, nor is there to this day. It simply doesn't need it. Mr. Kyle's writing is so well composed and so original in it's take on life that the color of the background is the last thing on the reader's mind.

His earlier posts were like a voyeuristic look at the stupidity of people in public... all the brainless things people say to each other when they don't think anyone else can hear, or the things that truly clueless people will say no matter who happens to hear. Most of these "conversations" took place in or around a coffee shop, giving the impression that the author was probably a cog in the massive Starbuck's machine... or he just chose a very convenient venue for his "inspiration".

Of late, the theme of the writing has changed a bit, as will happen with all good blogs. Now, the situations are obviously fictitious... but no less funny. I'm reminded more now of the quirkier comedy of Monty Python or Kids in the Hall. Not that it is actually anything like those, but it's the only way I can think of to describe the oddly hilarious scenes Mr. Kyle paints.

All right, then. The seed has been planted and my recommendation given. Now it's up to you to find out for yourself just how funny this guy can be. Go ahead... Go have a laugh or two... You've earned it.

Photo of the Week: Desktop

This one's a bit of a departure from my usual subject matter... It's actually a picture I took a couple years ago of some trackballs and a pool ball I keep on my desk at work. I've always liked the near-Black & White quality of the shot, and it's been my Windows desktop background since the day I took it. Hence, "Desktop".
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